In our minds, sex begins spontaneously and goes smoothly. In reality, you rarely know where it will lead you.
Sex does not always have to be about trying to reach orgasm and it does not have to involve intercourse. If a certain way of having sex does not feel good, you may find another way to be intimate.
You can enjoy intimacy and each other’s bodies by touching, tasting and looking – in countless different ways. You can voice your own wishes during sex: more of this, a bit less of this, more gently…
You can stop in the middle of sex if it feels wrong or unpleasant. Sometimes the condom goes missing, someone needs to pee, the position does not feel good or everyone bursts out laughing. Surprising situations and blunders are part of sex as much as relaxing together and pleasure. A playful attitude and humour may help overcome situations that might otherwise feel embarrassing.
Shame and a fear of failure may prevent you from voicing your desires to your partner. Or maybe your thoughts on what you like are not clear enough for you to put them into words. Experience clarifies your own wishes and desires and makes it easier to talk about them.
- What could I say if I wish to stop or take a break during sex?
- How do I react if my partner makes funny noises? How would I like my partner to react?
- How could I bring up difficult situations with my partner?
How Do I Discuss Contraception?
Discussing contraception involves searching for personal and other people’s boundaries – everyone has the right to make decisions concerning their own body. Sometimes your partner is not as careful with contraception as you are. Everyone, regardless of gender, has a right to protect themselves from STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Before having sex, it is a good idea to discuss what risks should be avoided and decide on contraception together based on the discussion.
- Whose responsibility is contraception?
- Do you wish to prevent pregnancies or STDs or both?
- How would I behave in a situation where sex has begun, but contraception has not been discussed yet?