The anus is an erogenous zone where touch can feel pleasurable regardless of one’s gender.

Anal sex doesn’t only mean intercourse, but also fondling the anus with fingers, the tongue or toys.

If anal sex hurts, it is often caused by not relaxing the anus enough, or by lack of lubricant. Any unpleasant or painful experience may stay with you for a long time, and it may make it harder to relax next time.

It is worthwhile to take enough time to relax before anal sex in order to make it more enjoyable for all parties. The anus can first be caressed from the outside with the help of a lubricant, and after this you can see what one or more fingers feel like inside.

A circular movement often feels more pleasant than thrusting. You can prepare for anal sex with your partner by first finding out how your own anus reacts to a finger, for example.


Pay attention to your own and your partner’s feelings during anal sex.

Pain does not always imply that something dangerous or irreversible has happened. It may be a message indicating that the anus is not ready to take anything in at that moment. There shouldn’t be any rush to go ahead with intercourse if it does not feel good for both.

How to prepare

Sex involves all kinds of bodily secretions that are difficult to avoid entirely. If the thought of poo during sex feels repulsive, you can empty the rectum by defecating before having anal sex.

You can buy colon cleansing kits from the pharmacy for more thorough cleansing. You can also carefully rinse out your colon using a hand shower: press the showerhead against your anus and allow the water to flow inside. If this feels uncomfortable, the water pressure may be too high. Finally, the rectum is emptied of water in the same way as when defecating.

Remember to Use Lube!

It is especially important to use a lubricant during anal sex. Without it, anal sex is often painful and unsuccessful. Saliva rarely provides adequate lubrication. You should use plenty of lubricant and you can also add more during sex whenever you feel like it.

A condom protects you from STDs also during anal sex. To prevent the condom from becoming brittle and breaking, use a water-based or a silicon-based lubricant. Suitable lubricants are available in pharmacies and some supermarkets for example.